The Best Parents Are Villain

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When you think of your parents, what comes to mind?

If you see them as the most reliable support system in your life, you wouldn’t be wrong. For many people, their parents are their heroes. After all, we are products of their sacrifices and investments. It’s no wonder parents are the most universally thanked people at award shows.

However, there’s a side of parenthood that often goes unacknowledged — the fact that the best parents are good villains.

I had spent months pondering this duality in parenting, trying to put it into words. Then, a few days ago, I rewatched Viola Davis’s acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actress at the 2017 Academy Awards. While she deserved an Oscar for that speech alone, what really caught my attention was Mark Rylance’s comments before presenting the award.

As he introduced the nominees, he said:

“It would be curious if this award was for the best actress in an opposing role. And yet… the work of these actresses shows that, with a child or an adult, sometimes, the most supportive thing to do is to oppose.”

That statement perfectly captures the villainous role good parents often play.

The Anatomy of Villains

In storytelling, villains exist to oppose the protagonist in their pursuit of something. They create obstacles, sometimes causing harm, and are often motivated by power, revenge, personal desires, or a combination of these.

They range from intergalactic titans (Thanos in the MCU), to overbearing bosses (Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada), to brutal mentors (J.K. Simmons in Whiplash) and even genocidal officers (Christoph Waltz in Inglorious Basterds).

Love them or hate them, villains serve an essential purpose: they challenge the hero, forcing them to grow. A well-crafted villain creates intense resistance, and in doing so, pushes the protagonist toward transformation.

So, how does this relate to your parents — the ones you love and maybe even idolize?

Parenting Vs Tyranny

As children, we spend most of our early years exploring, testing limits, and pushing boundaries. Oblivious to the dangers around us, we tend to fraternize with fire, reach for wires and put random objects in our mouths.

Conflict at this stage is simple — our protests are met with firm opposition, often leading to tears and tantrums.

As we grow into adulthood, these clashes become more frequent and intense, revolving around bigger decisions — education, fashion, friendships, religion, life partners, and career choices. No matter how loving your parents were, you can probably remember a time when you weren’t exactly a fan of them.

Some of these conflicts can escalate to the extreme, where parents disown their children in an attempt to enforce authority.

The Motif

But if we accept that opposition is part of growth, then we have to ask: what separates parental villainy from the kind we see in movies?

The answer lies in motivation.

You will go up against people with villainous intentions, but very rarely will you find someone who opposes you out of love. In all honesty, you can probably think of a few times when you were glad you weren’t allowed to make certain choices.

That’s why I’d argue that opposition is one of the most important aspects of parenting. Not only does it protect children from themselves, but when done right, it also cultivates qualities like resilience, critical thinking, and delayed gratification — all essential life skills.

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The Dark Side of Parenting

That said, not all parental opposition is noble.

Sometimes, a parent’s motivation isn’t rooted in love or wisdom, but in fear.

Fear takes many forms:

• Fear of the unknown — parents are expected to guide their children through a world vastly different from theirs.

• Fear of failure — a child’s perceived failure can feel like a direct reflection of their parenting.

• Fear of losing control — especially common among authoritarian parents who equate unquestioned obedience with respect.

Parents are a name we give to people who have children. Many times, the nomenclature blinds us from the ‘human’ component.

These fears can masquerade as tribalism, social status, ego, or even personal insecurities. Many times, parents project their own trauma, ignorance, or regrets onto their children, shaping their choices in ways that might not truly be in their best interest.

It’s crucial to recognize that parents are human first, and their fears can build cages that ultimately hinder, rather than protect, their children.

The Conclusion of the Matter

Parenting is complicated. There’s no perfect formula, and the right approach often depends on context, temperament, and timing.

Many of today’s superstars were shaped by highly villainous parenting. Richard Williams was famously hard on the Williams sisters, a factor that contributed to their legendary success. On the other hand, Joe Jackson (Michael Jackson’s father) is remembered as one of the most abusive figures in pop history. Both were strict fathers, but one built champions, while the other left deep scars.

Ultimately, good parenting requires:

• Identifying the motivations behind the opposition.

• Weighing the long-term effects of their actions.

• Regulating discipline in ways that serve the best interests of the child.

As Mark Rylance put it, “The trick to a good villain is to oppose without hatred.”

For parents, this means being conscious of their intentions and the impact of their opposition — and adjusting accordingly.

Experts often say there’s no such thing as perfect parenting. Maybe that’s something to take solace in.

Because, at the end of the day, parents aren’t villains for the sake of it — 
their villainy is heroism in disguise.