Nothing Beats Sibling Love
Sometime last year, I was out shopping for clothes when a mother showed up with her two children. They had come to buy — among other things — a pair of jeans for a third child.
I watched the two teenagers (a boy and a girl) repeatedly protest their mother’s choice of clothes for their absent sibling. They insisted their brother would rather have a pair of blue jeans than a black one.
After a while, the mother and children exchanged a smile. The kind of smile indicating that she knew their brother had contracted them as ‘solicitors.’ Their job was to protect his interests at all costs even in his absence.
It was a smile I recognized all too well, as someone who grew up with two siblings and African parents. Siblings are usually your last line of defence to ensure your parents don't go for the cheapest, modest, most convenient option.
Your siblings are probably the only ones who understand — and care — about the fashion trends. They see to it that you don't end up with clothes that you’d have to “grow into” well into your 30s.
I recognized this smile because, a few months prior, I had shipped a laptop to my brother from Lagos to Warri without checking in with my folks. It was a laptop my mother was keen on, and she accused me of ‘smuggling’ the device across the country just to make him happy. She had vowed to make me pay for it — a threat she followed through with.
Rivalry Vs Allieship
In a world where allies are bought with money, siblings are the rare allies you get for free. Once you move past the teenage bickering and annoyances, sibling love inevitably begins to blossom — no matter how much you deny it. I believe that the only thing that beats sibling rivalry is sibling love.
As Frank Sinatra sang in his 1995 hit Love & Marriage:
“You can’t have one without the other.”
Family is our first experience of socialization and when handled correctly, sibling interactions are a great avenue to develop basic human skills. We first learn boundaries, sharing and forgiveness with our siblings. They are close enough to us in age that we can experiment and play with them, and far enough to trigger development.
This often manifests in varied forms of rough-and-tumble play. It is where girls realize that they don’t like the feeling of a football on their faces, and boys realize they don’t have the patience for Disney princess movies.
Siblings Teach You How to Lie.
One universal trait among children (and, sadly, some adults) is the uncanny ability to lie. As children, we lie to avoid getting into trouble. Interestingly, many of us have lied more times to protect our siblings than to save ourselves. For some reason, lying to protect a sibling feels less wrong. It's even more pronounced if you had a particularly troublesome sibling (coughs in last born).
As you grow older and get in trouble, you need someone to walk you through the uncertain waters of your parent’s wrath, and who else to guide you than your beloved siblings? So, no matter how much they get on your nerves, you cannot kill them — because you owe them for all the times they covered for you.
Tectonic Sibling shifts
As we grow into adulthood, we inadvertently spend less time with our siblings. Work, relationships, and life pulls us into our different spots in the world. I know people who haven’t seen their beloved siblings in years, for one reason or another.
The silver lining is that no matter how far they go, there’s always a part that knows you have an ally for life.
If you have a sibling, this is your cue to call them to say you love them — or ‘hate’ them — whatever your family’s term of endearment is.
If they’re close by, barge into their room and turn off the lights. Shut their computers while they’re in the middle of work. Do something to let them know that you’ve got them.
Cos although, they may never admit it…
They kinda got you too.