If it’s Not Risky, it’s Not Real Love

Photo by Marc A. Sporys on Unsplash

A few weeks ago, during our regular early-morning banter, one of my colleagues dropped a quote that got me thinking. While teasing another colleague about his love life, he said: “If it’s not risky, it’s not love.”

We usually spend those first few minutes of the day talking about football, design challenges, relationships, or just teasing each other. But that morning, the statement made me pause and think.

How true is it? Is love truly risky?

Love Is a Drug

First of all, I strongly believe that love should be classified as a controlled substance. If it were an actual product, it would be more trafficked than any drugs.

Like many psychoactive substances, love rewires the brain, causing us to act in ways that defy logic. Interestingly, while other drugs have a single classification, love behaves like all types of drugs simultaneously.

• You’re buzzing with energy when your partner is around (stimulant).

• You imagine a blissful future together (hallucinogen).

• You feel calm and secure (cannabinoid).

• Pain fades into pure euphoria in their presence (opioid).

• Your brain gets fuzzy, and you stop thinking straight (alcohol).

Most drugs alter your mind first, then your emotions, but love flips the script. It begins in the heart, then hijacks your mind.

For better or worse, it’s a drug we all must indulge. It’s a risk we’re hardwired to take.

Is Love a Risk?

Love demands vulnerability.

It requires that we strip away our armour and present ourselves wholly, hoping the other person loves us regardless. We also hope we’re strong enough to handle whatever dangerous reptile they have hidden in the nicely painted basement of their lives.

It’s the arduous process of knitting the fabrics of our lives and emotions into something beautiful that makes our lives richer. An entanglement we pray never unravels. Because if you’ve ever had to untangle a knotted thread, you know how exhausting it is. Now multiply that frustration by a thousand for emotional bonds.

Therein lies the true risk with love.

The Things We Do For Love

Someone once said:

“You’ll never know how stupid your friends are until they tell you about their love life.”

Truth is, if we watched ourselves in a movie, doing the things we’ve done for love, we’d probably scream at the screen. It’s like an out-of-body experience. So you should never blame any foolish character in horror flicks.

This is why everyone needs a voice of reason. Someone who drags you back into sanity when you’re too inebriated to see or think clearly. It’s the only antidote to the ‘mumu’ button.

I stopped advising people in love because it's more often an exercise in futility.

Love, Risk & Refinements

I believe, however, that the ‘risk’ component of love diminishes with age. Most people outgrow the need for dangerous whirlwind love and begin to redefine their expectations.

As we mature, we trade thrill for stability, splurges with quiet intentionality, and wild adventure for the safety of home.

Distillation is the hallmark of mature love

We remove impurities (ego, pride, jealousy, fears, and manipulations), leaving behind something pure (patience, kindness, humility, selflessness, and forgiveness), until we’re left with something we can snort.

In the final analysis, love is beyond risky.

It’s an act of faith.

In yourself.

In the other person.

In love itself, and

Faith in humanity.

Because every time we choose love, we bet on something bigger than the odds.